The Word We Give Someone Else is For Us First

Attempting to keep up with this blog has proven to be a tad bit difficult. I am in a place where I am questioning the promises the Lord gave me. You see, my life has been one traumatic experience after another. The last one just ending a year ago. I have moments where I still question if what He said was really for me. So, I decided that I would recycle some messages He had given me while I was in the midst of my most recent storm. The problem with that is, you can convince yourself sometimes, after you've delivered the message that it no longer applies to you. That is so not true. These messages are just as relevant today as they were 3 years ago when He started giving them to me. These messages where for then to help me get through the storm and they are for such a time as this when my faith is beginning to waiver.
The Lord knows my commitment to Him. I have sacrificed and let go of so much to follow Him. I haven't gone back, I have no intention of going back, but sometimes.......sometimes I need to be reminded of my purpose. The very thing I despise to do, is the very thing He has called me to do. The very things I find difficult to do, He will use in a mighty way. My biggest obstacle in my journey is myself. People keep telling me to not grow weary in my well doing. That if I faint not......you know all of the "hold on" messages and the "you're so close to a breakthrough" quotes.
I feel like it took me an eternity to even realize my purpose. That I did the Jonah for far longer than I should have. I want to make up for lost time....and still I wait. His time is not our time always glides from someone's tongue as I check my watch over and over and peek out the window to see if the UPS man is coming to deliver my package. It seems as if I'll have to wait another eternity  before His promises are manifested in my life. Giving the enemy plenty of time and opportunity to whisper, "it's never going to happen," "it's taken so long it isn't even relevant anymore," "you're going to be one of those old women that are suppose to teach the younger women, except for the how to love their husbands part because you've never had one." The hurtful words and snickers are almost constant, ringing in my ear of all my failures. Using my "daddy issues" to remind me of all the seemingly broken promises from the Lord.
I said all of that to say. I had decided to fake it 'til I make it and post those old messages and I was stopped dead in my tracks. He had to remind me of where I was when I wrote them as opposed to where I am now. He had to remind me of who I use to be as opposed to who I am now. I figured the messages He gave me would help someone else while I attempt to refocus and get my mind right. When the truth is really that I just needed those simple reminders to get back on track. I will eventually post those messages, but for right now, I think I'll just focus on reconnecting with my Father. To get back to the time and place when He spoke to me mouth to mouth and I could hear Him as clear as if he were flesh and blood standing right next to me.
With anything in our ministries, as we go forth, it's for us first. He's using your past to save someone's future. So never forget, the things you see in other people were once a reflection of you and if the message you share with someone else doesn't cut you as well, you need to go back to the Father for a reevaluation; because the word we give someone else is for us first.

The Wait

     It's been approximately 5 or 6 years since my radical transformation, the beginning of the prophesies over my life and the revelation of who I was to become, began. And still I wait. It has, by no means, been easy. I have fallen off more times than I care to admit and most of the time was spent fighting the inevitable. I've been discouraged and disappointed, but still I wait. What keeps me while I wait? The fact that I know my purpose and the great things it will do in the Kingdom. I don't know if anyone else has struggled with finding themselves or their purpose in life as much as I have, but the fact that I finally know gives me great peace.
     For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry. Habakkuk 2:3 Wait, according to Strong's means to long for. So if we rewrite this scripture, it says, For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, long for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.
     During my childhood, I felt so isolated. Moving around constantly, never having a stable home or friends that would be there through it all, kept me in a constant state of loneliness. Growing up SDA did not help at all. It made me stand out like a sore thumb and kept me the butt of jokes because I couldn't hang out and party on Friday nights like everyone else. Through everything I'd been through, I questioned why I was still here. A common question of most people that have been through horrendous situations. I tried to assimilate myself into my surroundings and I did, but only for a time. It was like the Lord truly had a hedge around me. I did my dirt, but I never got in as deep as some of my friends and if I did, He always had a way of escape (that apparently, I took). I felt like I was in a bubble, because for all the dirt I did, I don't think I ever felt dirty. Does that make sense? No matter what I did, I could never fully become the people I was surrounded by. He never let me go down the rabbit hole. Even when I was being self destructive, He held on to me and I never knew why. I couldn't figure it out. I always wondered why I couldn't do all the things that my friends were doing or even the things that I wanted to do that they weren't. It wasn't until I was an adult, that I realized I had been set apart for a reason.
     When He began to reveal who I was to become, He also revealed how the transformation hadn't just taken place in my adulthood. He showed me all the things that had happened to me that made me who I am and how He would use it all. I was afraid at first, still unsure exactly where He was going with all of it. I've never been one to want to be on the front lines, I wanted to be a medic. I wanted to be one of the ones in the background that helped patch up those on the front lines and send them back out into battle. Ha! Little did I know! A sprinkle of this tragedy, a smidge of that disaster, and a dollop of some pain where all steering me toward His final product. I am excited to see the final reveal. When all of His promises are made manifest. That's what keeps me while I wait.
     I have gone through stages of waiting. I began to scrapbook. That was definitely a gift I had no clue I possessed, but it served as something to keep me occupied and out of trouble. At the time I began to scrapbook, I was teetering on the edge of the old and newer me, leaning more towards the old me. But thankfully, my God-sister introduced me to it and it held my attention for 3 three years. Making things that were divinely inspired gave me peace and kept my mind from being idle. Starting this blog years ago was one of the stages, but it was not yet time. How do I know? Well, my house was broken into and all three laptops were stolen and I never got them back from the police, (no surprise there).  Losing my parents and all my worldly possessions  allowed me to seek the Lord more deeply. I had nothing else to do. He would give me message after message that caused me to study the Bible more than I have ever studied anything in my life. I didn't study that hard for my NCLEX. Upon going back to church, I was forced to share these messages. I say forced because this was one of the times that I was fighting in vain against what I felt the Lord was leading me to. Anyone else see the progression?
      Now almost 5 or 6 years later, He is still giving me messages that I share here on the blog I started years ago. A blog that was initially started to share my scrapbook creations with the world. And still I wait. I wait for the manifestation of the things He promised me. My Adam, whom He told me would be the complete fulfillment of my purpose. No, He didn't say he would complete me, but this, what I'm doing now is only part of what God gave me to do. My Adam will have the other half of another ministry He gave me and I can't wait!!! Am I still skeptical about marriage, of course. Coming from a broken home and seeing dysfunctional marriages my whole life, I still wonder if I'm even capable, but if the Lord said it I believe it. And still I wait.
     Take a look at your life, ask the Lord to reveal His plan for you and watch how He breaks down the path you had to take to get to where we are now and where He plans to take you from here. God is awesome that way. All we have to do is ask and then wait. Waiting does not mean being idle. Let's get that straight. It means have faith that the Lord will do what He said He will do while He prepares you to receive it. In the meantime, do whatever He has given you to do now. It all serves as steps to the newer you. The you, you were meant to bein Him. Your job could be part of the steps. Ever wonder why He placed you in the profession you're in. Your children or your marriage could be what He wants you to focus on right now. Just ask, wait for the answer, and keep your hands out of it once He reveals it. Don't try to "help" Him move things along. He has a perfect plan and us in our sinful state can do nothing even close to what He can.
      

Not now doesn't mean never

     Over the course of the past couple of years, so much has been revealed to me. The problem with that, however is that no one ever tells you that prophesy and revelation may not be for right now. We know the Lord does not operate in time. We know that His time is not our time, but they never tell you what that really means. It took a while for me to realize that whatever was revealed to me doesn't mean that it's for right now.
      Disappointment had kicked in well before I realized that this was the case. I was impatient, wondering why the stuff I was told and saw wasn't coming to pass. I will not lie, I was throwing a tantrum like a two year old. I was praying and asking the Lord what is the problem, doubt started setting in. Maybe I didn't hear or see what I heard or saw. In the midst of all the visions, dreams, and prophesies, I had begun to envision what should happen according to what I had seen and heard. Pretty much convincing myself of how I thought things should go. They say, the Lord never does anything the way we expect Him to, because He knows the end. He knows the way things should go to get to an expected end. Our limited minds can not fathom the things of the Lord, but we spin these fantasies according to our limitations as humans and end up disappointed. Sometimes, the Lord is just waiting for us to let go of our preconceived notions, for us to exhaust our limited resources and brain power before He moves. It's not to be mean, but He needs us to realize that it was Him. That it was not our in our own strength that this thing was accomplished.
     I had to refrain from taking things into my own hands. We have a tendency to want to help God and mess up the whole thing. Causing whatever it was to be postponed or take another route. It's confusing being a new creature in Christ. I've always been a Christian, but I was never this in tune with my Father. So you hear people say wait on the Lord and then you hear other people say the Lord helps those who help themselves. When does which one apply. How do you know when to just wait and how do you know if you should move in faith?
     Well, waiting for your spouse requires that you both wait and help yourself. Now that doesn't mean go out dating everyone or interviewing for the position. Let me explain. I am a home body. I prefer to be at home doing whatever it is I feel like doing whether it be writing, reading, or doing something mindless like watching YouTube. My best friend told me that my Adam was not going to just walk up to my door and say, "Hi, The Lord sent me, I'm your Adam."   Now, let's not get it twisted, the Lord could do that if He wanted to, but in most instances this is not the case. So, in order to meet my Adam, not find, because he should find you, I need to get out more. Have I done it? No. The Lord knows my heart, He knows my circumstances. Working midnights, I just have no energy to do much of anything  during the day except sleep. Could I find another job? of course. Could I start working day shift, most definitely, but that is not what is conducive for my household. I need to be available during the day. I have teenagers that are always on the go. They need a ride here or a ride home. There's no rest for the weary, lol
     Anyway, So even in waiting for the Lord to send my Adam, I've been told that I have to get out of the house and become more active. This is not the case for everything you're waiting on. Sometimes you can move in faith, make the wrong move and be disappointed when it doesn't work out. Well, did the Lord tell you to do it? It's a tad frustrating trying to navigate this whole faith thing. The key, however, to being successful is to stay in constant communication with our Father, stay in His word. Constantly seek Him and He will reveal things to you. Just keep in mind, that He gives no time frame. He doesn't give specific dates. There are a lot of variables that play into prophesies and visions coming to fruition. For one, we have free will. Like I said before, sometimes we can try to "help" the Lord and mess things up. I learned that we have to want His perfect will. If we pray for something smaller than what He has for us, that's what we'll get because you've put the Lord and His awesome power in a box. We have to want the great things He has for us, believing that our all powerful, all seeing Father has THE BEST for us, not just mediocre.
     Sometimes, you will feel like He isn't speaking to you at all. It could be that you're not sitting still to listen or He's waiting for you to do what He told you before. We just have to trust that even though we don't hear from Him, that He is still moving on our behalf. What we want, may not be what's best for us at that time.  Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord. Psalm 27:14., because not now doesn't mean never.