trying to organize chaos

It's quite disconcerting that my life has become so chaotic. Not in the normal definition of chaos, but enough for me to feel like i'm just adrift in this thing called life. Floating along just letting things happen with no control over anything.
I've tried several times to organize my life, to plan things, script it out and stick to it. The one thing that continues to hinder any progress is the fact that i work midnights. Scripting and planning things out just doesn't seem to work. Everything depends on the type of night I've had and if i slept before my shift began (which doesn't seem to happen often).
I feel like my children (all 4 of them) and I are missing out on so much because of my work schedule. I've always worked midnights since i became a nurse because of my children and taking care of my mother. Now that my mother has passed and my children are older, i assume its not necessary to work midnights, but it's all I know.
There are so many things i want to do. So many ideas the Lord has downloaded into me, i just don't have the energy or the time because of my schedule. I would really prefer not to work, lol, to pursue my dreams.....but that doesn't seem to be an option. Classes to teach, women's retreats and seminars to organize and host....all just seem like pipe dreams. It's a little depressing actually. I want to be more and do more, but don't know how or where to begin.
I remember asking the Lord, in prayer, one day why He allowed me to become a nurse. Especially on those nights that were so busy and emotionally or physically draining. Those nights when i was really ready to give up and quit. His response was...being a nurse was my training ground, boot camp if you will. That I had to learn to talk to people, to witness, to educate, to encourage, to pray for and not be ashamed. 💡Ah ha! I understood that. At the same time though, I was getting burned out. I needed a break. I was one of those nurses that never called off, never took a vacation, stayed over after a 12hr shift to help out if there was a crisis. I was so burned out. Then had to go home and care for my mom, running her to different doctors appointments or visiting her in whatever hospital she was in at the time. Not to mention, trying to raise for children, alone. It's depressing and tiring just writing it out.
Anyway! Now that she has left us and all my children are teenagers i feel like I've missed so much and they were deprived of so much. Yet! I have no clue how to even begin to fix it now and make the most of the years I have left of them being at home because I still work midnights and I'm still always tired.
I want to give them so much more and be so much more than the mom that just signs papers from school, hands them money for whatever event, and providing basic necessities. I'm afraid to quit my job as a nurse...showing how limited my faith is in the Master. Afraid that I won't be able to afford the bare necessities and survive on the ideas and talents he's given me.
To top all of that off, everyone seems to think that having a husband will solve all my woes. Well, my Adam list is so long and detailed I'm afraid he doesn't exist so I continue to operate as if he'll never show up.
Then I'm premenopausal, i just found out that insomnia is a symptom/ side effect. So the night sweats when i do finally sleep along with the just the down right inability to sleep most nights is driving me  to insanity! I need help! lol