The Lord knows my commitment to Him. I have sacrificed and let go of so much to follow Him. I haven't gone back, I have no intention of going back, but sometimes.......sometimes I need to be reminded of my purpose. The very thing I despise to do, is the very thing He has called me to do. The very things I find difficult to do, He will use in a mighty way. My biggest obstacle in my journey is myself. People keep telling me to not grow weary in my well doing. That if I faint not......you know all of the "hold on" messages and the "you're so close to a breakthrough" quotes.
I feel like it took me an eternity to even realize my purpose. That I did the Jonah for far longer than I should have. I want to make up for lost time....and still I wait. His time is not our time always glides from someone's tongue as I check my watch over and over and peek out the window to see if the UPS man is coming to deliver my package. It seems as if I'll have to wait another eternity before His promises are manifested in my life. Giving the enemy plenty of time and opportunity to whisper, "it's never going to happen," "it's taken so long it isn't even relevant anymore," "you're going to be one of those old women that are suppose to teach the younger women, except for the how to love their husbands part because you've never had one." The hurtful words and snickers are almost constant, ringing in my ear of all my failures. Using my "daddy issues" to remind me of all the seemingly broken promises from the Lord.
I said all of that to say. I had decided to fake it 'til I make it and post those old messages and I was stopped dead in my tracks. He had to remind me of where I was when I wrote them as opposed to where I am now. He had to remind me of who I use to be as opposed to who I am now. I figured the messages He gave me would help someone else while I attempt to refocus and get my mind right. When the truth is really that I just needed those simple reminders to get back on track. I will eventually post those messages, but for right now, I think I'll just focus on reconnecting with my Father. To get back to the time and place when He spoke to me mouth to mouth and I could hear Him as clear as if he were flesh and blood standing right next to me.
With anything in our ministries, as we go forth, it's for us first. He's using your past to save someone's future. So never forget, the things you see in other people were once a reflection of you and if the message you share with someone else doesn't cut you as well, you need to go back to the Father for a reevaluation; because the word we give someone else is for us first.
