Being a successful, Christian single in times of duress

     Oh boy! You know there are a lot of things that need to be navigated carefully when you are single. Fear, pain, loneliness.....There are snares waiting to ambush us around every corner, but particularly when it comes to painful situations.
     I lost both of my parents three years ago, three months apart and I was single. It would have been so easy to break my vow of celibacy or go back to drinking to cope, but there are ways to deal with this situations. By no means are they easy to pull off, but with lots of prayer and a made up mind, it can be done.
     I found myself saying, if I can be perfectly honest, that it would be nice to have someone to crawl into bed with. Not even on a sexual level, but in times of duress, we seek comfort. To have someone waiting with open arms to rub my hair and tell me it would be ok, that I would be ok, would have been a soothing balm to my bleeding heart. But! There was no one there offering that place of refuge and recharge. I felt like I had the entire world on my shoulders and had to be strong for everyone else. No different than what I had been doing, but now to add death to the ever growing heap on my shoulders was almost too much. It was awesome, all of the support as the memorials were going on, but what to do when everyone has gone home? What to do when there are no awkward conversations to ignore the pink elephant in the room? What to do when there is a trap awaiting you in the stillness? When the darkness holds more demons waiting to fill the spaces created with the loss? What to do when the only offers of comfort  come in the form of temporary physical escape from temporary people?
     You see people's true colors in the midst of your distress. What they offer, if they offer anything at all, tells you peoples true intentions. The crazy part about it, they say we teach people how to treat us. Did I teach these people that all I needed was sex and all would be right with the world? In the aftermath of death, what does sex have to offer? Nothing! Nothing but more emptiness and sometimes pain. You know you just have to wonder what is going on in peoples minds sometimes, lol. These are the times when a lot of people get the side eye, like Really!!! Are you really serious right now?
     People that you hadn't talked to or seen in ages come out the wood work telling you if you need anything, let me know. Well, you know I could go on about that but I digress. We're talking about how to cope. In the midnight hours, when I was wide awake, staring at the ceiling, all I could do was pray. I told the Lord all the issues I needed help with. I told him everything that I needed to be removed from me. I claimed promises, I yelled and screamed out my frustration. I told you guys, I've never been big on crying, lol, but I'm good at yelling and screaming.
     To keep from falling into the trap of meaningless sex, disappointing my Father and myself; I kept myself away from those type of situations. No, you can not come over. No, we can not go out. It seems a little extreme, but you have to know your limits. You have to have discernment as to people's true motives. Most men assume that vulnerability is an easy segway to getting laid. Be a shoulder to cry on, be supportive and listen and eventually she'll succumb to loneliness. Not even thinking that what women really need they are not willing to give. Not thinking that a women in distress needs more than just physical escape. Knowing full well that when they get what they want, they will disappear.
     That is why we as single women, not just Christian women, but women in general have to know who they are and why they are. In order to fend of the attacks of the enemy, in order to recognize the snares set before you, we have to know our triggers. The enemy knows. He knows what you like, he knows how to push your buttons. Watch and pray. Keep yourself from situations that may cause you to stumble or backslide into old habits.
     Find hobbies, visit new restaurants,  go back to school, be more active in church, travel....there are plenty of things that we can do as single women, to keep from being idle. The phrase, "idle hands are the devils playground" is so true. Sitting at home waiting for something to happen leaves too many minutes, hours, days, weeks, months or years of idleness where the enemy can replay all your mistakes, highlight your failures and your flaws, remind you of all your losses. Who wants that? There are so many things inside of us that we haven't tapped into. We've spent too much time doing other things, avoiding being with ourselves that we have no clue who or what we really are.
     In those moments when you are going through, you have to look past, reach around, stretch beyond that moment to something greater. Tell the enemy to get behind you and press on. Look to the hills from which commeth your help, don't look toward man, because he will leave and deceive, disappoint and hurt you. The only thing that truly works when you are going through, is to seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.