The Wait

     It's been approximately 5 or 6 years since my radical transformation, the beginning of the prophesies over my life and the revelation of who I was to become, began. And still I wait. It has, by no means, been easy. I have fallen off more times than I care to admit and most of the time was spent fighting the inevitable. I've been discouraged and disappointed, but still I wait. What keeps me while I wait? The fact that I know my purpose and the great things it will do in the Kingdom. I don't know if anyone else has struggled with finding themselves or their purpose in life as much as I have, but the fact that I finally know gives me great peace.
     For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry. Habakkuk 2:3 Wait, according to Strong's means to long for. So if we rewrite this scripture, it says, For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, long for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.
     During my childhood, I felt so isolated. Moving around constantly, never having a stable home or friends that would be there through it all, kept me in a constant state of loneliness. Growing up SDA did not help at all. It made me stand out like a sore thumb and kept me the butt of jokes because I couldn't hang out and party on Friday nights like everyone else. Through everything I'd been through, I questioned why I was still here. A common question of most people that have been through horrendous situations. I tried to assimilate myself into my surroundings and I did, but only for a time. It was like the Lord truly had a hedge around me. I did my dirt, but I never got in as deep as some of my friends and if I did, He always had a way of escape (that apparently, I took). I felt like I was in a bubble, because for all the dirt I did, I don't think I ever felt dirty. Does that make sense? No matter what I did, I could never fully become the people I was surrounded by. He never let me go down the rabbit hole. Even when I was being self destructive, He held on to me and I never knew why. I couldn't figure it out. I always wondered why I couldn't do all the things that my friends were doing or even the things that I wanted to do that they weren't. It wasn't until I was an adult, that I realized I had been set apart for a reason.
     When He began to reveal who I was to become, He also revealed how the transformation hadn't just taken place in my adulthood. He showed me all the things that had happened to me that made me who I am and how He would use it all. I was afraid at first, still unsure exactly where He was going with all of it. I've never been one to want to be on the front lines, I wanted to be a medic. I wanted to be one of the ones in the background that helped patch up those on the front lines and send them back out into battle. Ha! Little did I know! A sprinkle of this tragedy, a smidge of that disaster, and a dollop of some pain where all steering me toward His final product. I am excited to see the final reveal. When all of His promises are made manifest. That's what keeps me while I wait.
     I have gone through stages of waiting. I began to scrapbook. That was definitely a gift I had no clue I possessed, but it served as something to keep me occupied and out of trouble. At the time I began to scrapbook, I was teetering on the edge of the old and newer me, leaning more towards the old me. But thankfully, my God-sister introduced me to it and it held my attention for 3 three years. Making things that were divinely inspired gave me peace and kept my mind from being idle. Starting this blog years ago was one of the stages, but it was not yet time. How do I know? Well, my house was broken into and all three laptops were stolen and I never got them back from the police, (no surprise there).  Losing my parents and all my worldly possessions  allowed me to seek the Lord more deeply. I had nothing else to do. He would give me message after message that caused me to study the Bible more than I have ever studied anything in my life. I didn't study that hard for my NCLEX. Upon going back to church, I was forced to share these messages. I say forced because this was one of the times that I was fighting in vain against what I felt the Lord was leading me to. Anyone else see the progression?
      Now almost 5 or 6 years later, He is still giving me messages that I share here on the blog I started years ago. A blog that was initially started to share my scrapbook creations with the world. And still I wait. I wait for the manifestation of the things He promised me. My Adam, whom He told me would be the complete fulfillment of my purpose. No, He didn't say he would complete me, but this, what I'm doing now is only part of what God gave me to do. My Adam will have the other half of another ministry He gave me and I can't wait!!! Am I still skeptical about marriage, of course. Coming from a broken home and seeing dysfunctional marriages my whole life, I still wonder if I'm even capable, but if the Lord said it I believe it. And still I wait.
     Take a look at your life, ask the Lord to reveal His plan for you and watch how He breaks down the path you had to take to get to where we are now and where He plans to take you from here. God is awesome that way. All we have to do is ask and then wait. Waiting does not mean being idle. Let's get that straight. It means have faith that the Lord will do what He said He will do while He prepares you to receive it. In the meantime, do whatever He has given you to do now. It all serves as steps to the newer you. The you, you were meant to bein Him. Your job could be part of the steps. Ever wonder why He placed you in the profession you're in. Your children or your marriage could be what He wants you to focus on right now. Just ask, wait for the answer, and keep your hands out of it once He reveals it. Don't try to "help" Him move things along. He has a perfect plan and us in our sinful state can do nothing even close to what He can.